I was with a friend today experiencing the State Fair for the first time in many years, many decades in fact, and found myself (after a few fried food items and some walking) opening up and sharing what is on my mind. Now I don’t know if there is something magical about the Fair food, or if it was the cooling autumn temperatures, but it felt right to open up, let down my guard, and say what I was feeling.
Yesterday was a very challenging day. The voices in my head were on full attack mode and unrelenting. The usual efforts to quiet them (prayer and meditation, yoga, etc.) only brought temporary relief, and on one occasion no relief at all. I decided to try a new meditation another friend had recommended prior to heading to a service commitment, and it seemed to work well. I felt a lot less of the ambush and at least got to a neutral place before doing my volunteer work. And just as always happens, after being of service to others, and getting out of self, I felt even better.
I’m going through an interesting time in my life where I am searching for answers, when what really needs to happen is to be in acceptance… and just be. I understand this with my head, but my heart just doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. I hear from others to just feel the feelings and to be grateful that you are feeling which sounds good, and I’m sure they mean well enough, but I’m hurting, and the clichés just don’t seem to help. The best that I can manage to do right now is share how I feel honestly and openly with those I trust, for when I do, the pain seems to lessen a little bit, even if only for a while.
Today I will be honest with myself and others about how I feel.