It is so much easier to cut someone else slack than it is to allow myself some grace. I have been on a six day a week workout cycle for nearly two and a half years, rarely missing that benchmark. But yesterday, I just wasn’t up to it, and am still struggling today with that decision. Sure, there are numerous reasons that make perfect sense as to why it didn’t happen: my body needed some additional rest, a very close friend in the hospital needed some attention, and I did a double workout on Monday. Yet none of these seem to be bringing me any relief.
I am fighting that fear of falling back into the sloth that dominated my life when I was active in my addiction. The stinkin’ thinkin’ in my head tells me that if I allow just a sliver of mercy and let up, all will come crashing down and a relapse is gonna sneak up on me and take me down. Why is it so easy for me to have compassion and mercy for others but not for myself? I think it might be time to do some work on being gentle with myself again, and not use such damaging, negative internal dialogue that I seem to be prone to.
Today is a new day, and I will focus on just today. Yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, so I will choose to live in today, just for today.