A central part of becoming the heart-centered person that I am reclaiming is to forgive others for wrongs done to me. In order to do this effectively I have to constantly remind myself that it is God and not me who has the authority to judge, and even then, I don’t think God really judges anyone, just encourages the best from us.
As much as I would like to think that all the work I have done to forgive those who have wronged me, the memories still flash through my head. The key for me today is to acknowledge the thought and then let it pass, not to dwell on it. A daily afternoon meditation commitment for the last few months (even if it is only 10 minutes or so) has greatly enhanced my ability to do so. It truly does fit the pattern that we not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. The past serves as a reminder for me today that I can have all the misery of active addiction I left behind whenever I choose to walk back and pick (it) up again.
To live in the present, free of mind-altering chemicals and other addictive behavior I want to substitute for it, means to live with feelings and emotions and memories. Not easy, but necessary to feel alive today. It’s ok that I cry when I am sad. It’s ok to be silly and giddy when I am elated. It’s ok to just be, when I am feeling blah. I used to be worried about the highs being too high and the lows being too low. Today I know that I can trust myself to experience the full range of emotion and it doesn’t have to compromise the strength of my being.
Today I will love and forgive, completely independent of others’ response to it.