It’ll Be What It’ll Be

Sometimes I just tire of being positive all the time and want to take the time complain about all the things that bother me. The funny thing is, lately I haven’t allowed myself the freedom to feel anything but sunshine and roses, and that isn’t being authentic at all. In order to live a balanced life, I need to allow myself to experience all of my feelings, to allow even the less than desirable ones to surface, be acknowledged, and then released.

The other day I was spinning out of control. My morning hot yoga session was frustrating as I didn’t feel like I had the energy necessary to practice well. For those of you that are familiar with yoga, yes, I understand just how contrary this statement sounds, because the practice of yoga just is, it doesn’t require a label. Nonetheless, it was not the calming, energizing hour and twenty minutes I had planned. After which I went to my regular meeting and the air conditioning wasn’t working. So my patience was being stretched to the brink. By the time I stopped at the grocery store and returned home, I was emotional, tired and needing to give myself a timeout, as I put it to a friend of mine.

The day turned around on one twenty minute phone call to a good friend who reminded me of my truth. He referenced me to a familiar passage, “…and acceptance is the key to all my problems…” I just needed to accept that I didn’t feel positive, energized or in good spirits. It’s ok that I felt tired from dealing with medical issues and emotional challenges. I didn’t have to ‘do’ anything; I could just be. That was a load off of my shoulders. I kept trying to think of things to do to change the way I felt, when all I really needed to ‘do’ is just ‘be’. I gave myself permission to do nothing the rest of the day but self-care, which included lounging on the couch, cooking meatloaf and ending the day with a movie. There was no guilt for not getting a To Do List done, no fear of being slothful, no pity for feeling blah.

Today I am grateful for friends that remind me that I don’t have ‘do’ all the time, and can allow myself to just ‘be’.

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