“How can you let go today and trust that all your needs are met? Can you give yourself a little room to breathe and let go, knowing it will show up in perfect time?” –Mastin
The biggest waste of my time right now in life is worry and fear. Fear that I won’t have enough, am not living up to my skill set, or will ‘miss’ my opportunity all cloud my daily thoughts. There’s a delicate balance I try to keep between trusting that I am in the perfect place, at the perfect time, and sitting on my laurels and waiting for the universe to provide some great inspiration that I am to follow.
Last night I read a section of a book on callings that talked all about fear of following a calling and ignoring a calling altogether. I have no doubt that God wants me to help others. My gift is that of communication, public speaking, and storytelling. I am struggling with just how that gift will manifest itself into the world. And then I read part of Mastin’s blog (above) and realized that I just need to continue to put in the legwork and allow God to determine the outcome of the path.
I have a crazy story: one that involves alcohol and drug addiction, being chased by police and other insane episodes from that addiction, and the process of recovering. And the road to recover has been one with twists and turns, transferring my addiction to other activities, exhibiting the same behavior in my sobriety as in my addiction without the cover of blaming it on mind-altering substances.
The road has been full of expansion. A process of learning to establish a relationship with that which is greater than me, whom I choose to call God. But not the God of my youth, or the God from any text or holy script. A God of my understanding, a blend of many teachings and belief systems. A virtual buffet of items from many different religions, beliefs, and influences. And believe me, when you do that, it’s reassuring that you can relate to your God, but scary as hell that you may have just created a Creator that will justify nearly any behavior you exhibit!
So when I read that all I need to do is allow things to happen and trust that they will in the perfect time, it’s tough for me. I want to be lazy and not do the work, that’s not trusting, that’s just being slothful. But doing the footwork even when the path isn’t clear, honing a craft that isn’t quite determined, putting in effort when the foundation isn’t yet settled can be a little…well…unsettling.
So today, I will be unafraid to do the work, part of which is this blog. And I will trust that all will unfold as it needs to, in the perfect time. And just for today, I’ll cut myself a little slack on trying to figure it all out.