Give Me More of that Pain Please

So I have come to a realization today that literally has floored me: I’m blocking the few things in my life that I find wanting. After years of learning, studying, embracing, living and practicing the Law of Attraction, I finally had it sink in, deep within my being. Or better stated, I finally let out, from deep inside of me.

As most of you know I have been dealing with lower back issues for the last four months. It gets better, then it regresses; I find some solace, then it flares up again. I am in the process of having an orthopedic doctor review my MRI tomorrow, doing physical therapy, and focusing on really making the situation better. But what I am really doing is spending all my time and energy trying to force the situation to get better, pushing against it and trying to ‘solve’ the problem. When all I really need to do is allow my well-being; that is how the back will find its proper alignment.

The more I focus on how bad the back is, and how much it hampers my ability to exercise, sleep comfortably and resume normal activities, the more the universe says, ‘ok, so it’s uncomfortable sleep and inability to exercise that you are attracting—here it is.’ YIKES!! You’d think with all of my learning to this point it would have been obvious, but not so much. It took a video that a friend of mine sent to me by Abraham-Hicks, and watching it a second time when I was receptive to the message, to get it through my thick skull. ‘When the student is ready, the teacher appears’.

And then there’s the other area of my life where I have come to realize that my resistance to what I want is more powerful than my desire. I keep saying that I want to find a partner, to be in a committed relationship, yet every time I think about it my thoughts are: Am I really ready to be tied down to one person? Am I good enough to have someone that I will want to be with when I’m ‘better’ or ‘finished’ with my internal work? I’m not ready to settle down, what if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be crushed; I’m not good at relationships, look at the last two, they were totally wrong for me. All of these negative forces and focusing on what I don’t want are preventing me from receiving what is already out there. No wonder the universe hasn’t brought me that life partner.

As long as I continue to try and make those I come in contact with to be the person I want/need them to be, rather than allowing them to be who they are and allowing them to pass through my life, I will rob them of their natural potential. If I choose to focus on what needs to change in others to suit me, I have my attention on what needs to be changed in the world, not so much which needs to be changed with me. And I am the only one I can change.

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One Response to Give Me More of that Pain Please

  1. Debe Knaack says:

    STOP looking for a “life partner”. Experience people you enjoy. I do not agree with the “time off” theory. We all have “lifetime baggage” and not being in a relationship isn’t going to change that!
    I love the idea of “clearing out the baggage” from a past relationship, but “that ain’t happen’n!” Your “time off” has created your search for perfection, to avoid settling for something that might hurt.
    People change. If the same relationship is going to continue, it must change also. If it doesn’t, it’s done!! Some of that “baggage” is necessary to avoid the same mistakes. Never should anyone be expected to change their ideals or principles. Adaptation is how it works. What won’t be tolerated?
    “Be happy!!”

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