Who Gives a Rat’s *ss

“Nothing is more pleasing and engaging than the sense of having conferred benefits. Not even the gratification of receiving them.”
—-Ellis Peters

I love giving from my abundance and I’ve learned to give unconditionally, which can be the bigger challenge. To freely give and not expect anything in return is not my natural instinct, but rather a learned behavior that I am making significant progress on.

From a young age I was taught to be self-sufficient. Or perhaps to state more accurately, needed to be and learned to be self-supporting. I recall one time when I was 11 or 12 and asking my dad for money to buy a record album and the venomous response he gave. I don’t recall what he said, but it was how he said it and how it made me feel that engrained in me a sense that you just don’t ask anyone for anything. And this has stuck with me to this day.

As I continue my self-examination of beliefs and their roots, deciphering if they continue to serve me today, and learning new ways of doing things, I am constantly amazed at how many areas of my life I’ve just put on auto-pilot. This need for utter self-sufficiency is absolute nonsense. I rely on medical professionals to diagnose illnesses, fitness trainers to teach me proper technique, and financial experts to guide me in my investments, just to name a few.

So the question remains: why is it so difficult for me to receive from others. When someone wants to do something nice for me, why do I repulse at the notion? Does it make me feel like I am incapable of doing something for myself? Do I not want to feel like I ‘owe’ that person something in return? These were the thoughts and concepts that I had up until last night. Then my sponsor said something that has resonated with me and created one of those shifts that alter one’s path in a subtle, yet extremely meaningful way.

I have difficulty receiving from others because I don’t feel that I am worthy.

BAM!!!! Now there’s a game-changer.

Being lovable, being worthy, these two go hand and hand. And like I was reminded last night, I can read all the books and blogs I want, but until I put it into practice, it’s just a theory, not my reality.

Just for today I will allow others to do for me, just because.

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One Response to Who Gives a Rat’s *ss

  1. Debe Knaack says:

    Growing up in an alcoholic family provides the necessity for taking care of yourself, at all times!
    Allowing yourself to be grateful or appreciative leaves you vulnerable to any of the many hurtful things people can say or do. “What’s this gonna cost me- what’s expected of me in return?”
    Giving a “socially acceptable response” to a gift or gesture can “cover you”, but requires NO personal interaction. (SAFE)
    Your father’s “venomous response” may have taught you at a young age to “put up your wall”, but I’m sure the need for that protection was reinforced on numerous occasions.
    Internalizing advice or an idea can only be accomplished by the credibility you give it.

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