“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.”
I have spent a lot of time listening in the past few months. Increased meditation time has helped me to hone in on quieting my mind and listening to that still small voice deep inside of me that I choose to call God. But just because I’m listening, doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily hearing the message.
I can be a brat; a stubborn, impatient, demanding individual who wants what he wants when he wants it. Throughout this time between jobs, I have been doing my best to be patient, and enjoy the time to rest and recuperate, to establish new, healthier patterns, and to prepare myself for the next phase of my journey. That is all well and good, if indeed I’m not trumping all of it with worry, concern, controlling and manipulative mental games.
You see I have a mind that doesn’t like to quit. It runs like your refrigerator: day or night, sunny or cloudy, warm or cold outside…it just keeps running. Now a meditation practice that I have been spending more time with recently is helping, and when going to 12 step meetings it seems to slow a bit, so there is some progress to report.
And all the work I’ve been putting in does help. A great example was this morning as I was preparing for an interview, my mind starting racing into the future (we’re talking years down the line and how this particular company would fit into my career profile upon reflection). Just as the engine started to rev, I asked myself a simple question, out loud, “Is this Greg’s will, or God’s will?” Suddenly the conversation stopped and I was able to continue my routine without the great mental debate.
I learned from my last interview experience that I have a propensity to cut people off, because I want to show how something I have matches what they are sharing. Not a formula for success when in a job interview with a perspective new boss. So today I focused more on listening, deep listening. Not just to the words he was saying, but to the inflections in his voice, his level of comfort with what he was saying, body language, and the whole gamut. And doing so put me at ease, made me realize he was really pulling for me to do well, and that this was someone I could work for in the future.
My job is done, the follow up email is written. So just for today, I will relax and know that my part is done, if it be God’s will, the offer will come.