“One accusation you can’t throw at me is that I’ve always done my best.”
Walking into a meeting with an expectation is like taking a shower before you have run 3 miles to exercise for the day; it’s an act of futility. Having reasonable goals going into a meeting is helpful, but being totally open to allow ‘what is’ to unfold and remain present, yet not personally attached, is a great concept, but nearly impossible to actuate, at least for me.
Today was one of those days when I felt like I was being accosted, and had the peace of mind to take it on the chin, turn the other cheek, admit where my part was in the matter, and look for resolution.
And then my patience wore out.
There is one thing that really chaps my @ss, when making concessions and trying to work toward a solution and the other party refuses to accept any responsibility, but instead continues to blame.
What makes a person this way? I have a few theories, but for our conversation today, let’s just say that if one of the foundations of the house of cards is removed, the whole structure falls in on itself.
Want to know how I know this?
I lived the first decade and a half of my adult life living out of fear, lying to create a façade that was critical to maintaining my poor choices in living, and going so far down a path of deceit that there was no turning back.
I am sad when I see this behavior in others. It makes me reflect on where I used to be, how blessed I am to have been given the grace and ever-brief moment of clarity to do something to start clawing and climbing my way out of that abyss.
But what do you do when you see someone choosing to live this way, and your own behavior requires amends because you let your own emotions get the better of you? You suck it up, identify where the amends need to be made, and put on your big boy pants and get to it. I’m hoping to get there soon, but the wound is still raw, and I allowed an unfounded accusation to get to me personally. And for that, I was wrong.
Just for today I will be grateful for the grace of God and ask for the courage to take the next indicated step.