You Said What?

Balance-the dictionary defines it as: an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.

Upright and steady would not be how I would describe the last few days for me. With unrelenting pressure to produce sales numbers, I have started to look at the negative in just about every situation. That comes with the territory in sales, the pressure to produce, not the obsessive attention to the negative.

I have found that over the last few days my patience has been nearly non-existent. One small event can set me off for the entire day. And the worst part of it all? I am justifying my behavior by blaming it on everyone else. From the driver in front of me to a boss that doesn’t nurture me the way I think he should, everything and everyone is on my last damn nerve.

Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in sobriety, it’s that when I find fault in some person, place or thing, it’s not that the world that needs to change so much as it is what I need to change in me that needs to be found.

And you want to know what that change is? Acceptance. I need to learn acceptance. To understand the things that I can’t change and let them go, as opposed to that which I can change and taking positive action in that direction.

It sounds simple enough now doesn’t it?

This all became clear today when I received my mid-year review. I didn’t like what it said, but for the most part it was true. When words like passion and determined are used, I like it. When they are used to an unreasonable level, they turn into belligerence and poor communication with peers and authority.

It was just the smack in the face I needed.

Moving forward, I am going to invoke the five second rule: when I think of something to say, wait five seconds, and if still feeling compelled, spew away. Wait, perhaps I should extend that waiting period, I can get pretty wrapped up in self and blind rage. But I have to start somewhere, so yes; it’s agreed, five seconds….for now.

Just for today I will accept constructive observation of behavior modification that is necessary and remember what part of the hula hoop I have control over.

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