Don’t Care How

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”

Khalil Gibran

Not sure if there is much worse than getting what you asked for and rather than being grateful, you snub God by asking for the next thing. How frustrating, irresponsible, and disappointing is that?

Do you ever have one of those days when just about everything, everyone, and everywhere get under your skin? You use all the tools in your arsenal to turn things around: meditate, pray, go for a walk, head to a meeting, turn things over…and nothing. That feeling that you just want to scream is just a bit overwhelming.

Yep, it’s one of those days today.

Perhaps it’s the realization that I am getting exactly from God what I asked for, and yet am not satisfied. Like a little brat on Christmas morning who gets 99% of his wish list, choosing to complain about the one item that didn’t get wrapped and put under the tree. I feel so petty for being ungrateful, yet there it is.

So I’m doing what I have learned to do in this situation: don’t cause any wreckage. Try not to say anything that will require an amends later. Try not to do something that will require reparation down the line. Just breathe deep…and be.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Simple it may be; easy, not so much.

So when I am tempted to head out and get a bigger stick to beat myself up with today, perhaps I will show myself a bit of mercy by staying with the one I already have, or maybe even setting it down for just a bit. All that forgiveness, kindness, and mercy I have been working on toward others? Just maybe it’s time to turn that inward, and grant it to myself for just a little while.

So rather than beat myself up for not being in gratitude for what I have, and in place of scolding myself for being childish about my wishes, by chance I may choose to cut myself a bit of slack, take a hot bubble bath, and just be. Nobody says I have to DO anything right now, so if I take advantage of that, it just may be the most gracious act of thanksgiving I can show.

Just for today, I won’t be too hard on myself for wanting more than I have.

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